美国文书材料:2023成功申请哈佛大学的优秀申请文书范例

“美国文书材料”作为申请过程中的重要一环被同学们给予了更多的关注，一份出色的文书是打动招生官、获得录取的“利器”之一。随着申请人数的逐渐增加，美国本科的申请对学生提出了更高的要求。近日，哈佛大学发布了2023年的最新招生情况：据统计，2023年共有56937名学生提交了申请，最终有1942名学生被哈佛录取，录取率为3.41%，为历史第二低，仅次于去年的3.19%，“如何在众多申请者中脱颖而出？”已成为申请人的主要考虑因素。

2023 Fall的录取落下帷幕，The Crimson像往年一样公布了2023年度7篇成功申请哈佛大学的优秀申请文书范例，以下选取了其中几篇优秀范例以及评析，希望能为正在准备文书的同学带来灵感和启发！

美国文书材料Sample Essay 1: Georgina

With the blazing morning sun beaming through the window, I had an inclination to make a stand to sell Lebanese laymounada - a light lemonade flavored with a splash of rosewater. Throughout my childhood, anytime the temperature spiked over seventy degrees, there would be laymounada waiting for me at my Teta’s (grandmother in Lebanese Arabic) house.

At that moment, I scoured the cabinets and secured the glass pitcher only to realize we did not have lemons. To my disappointment, I realized my days of being an entrepreneur and generating revenue from my laymounada stand were over before they could even begin. I sat at the kitchen table, wallowing in disappointment. I wanted everyone to be able to taste my Teta’s laymounada. Suddenly, I had an idea that would either prove to be inventive or a total failure. I would sell lemonade without the lemons. Revolutionary, right?

I ripped off a rectangular sheet of paper towel and jotted down my business plan. I listed the key elements of the business plan: a drawing of a cup, a rose, and the price- “fifty scents”- to correlate with the rose-themed business. I sat outside of my childhood home located in a cul-de-sac of five houses and sold my neighbors a rose drink- a combination of filtered water, packets of sugar, and a dash of rosewater. Granted, I only made about $10 from a combination of my parents and generous neighbors who did not drink the “lemonade”, but the experience allowed me to realize regardless of the obstacle, if you are passionate, you can persevere. Teta’s laymounada was my introduction to entrepreneurship.

The entrepreneurial skills gained from my laymounada stand allowed me to establish A&G Jewelry, co-founded with my sister when I was twelve. This business focused on representing our Lebanese heritage. Using supplies we found around our house and from our local craft store, we created a variety of pieces that featured traditional Middle Eastern coins, beads, and clay baked into the shape of Lebanon. My sister and I collaborated to create marketing tools to promote our new business. Before we knew it, A&G Jewelry had earned a spot at my church’s annual Lebanese festival. After tirelessly marketing and selling our jewelry for three days straight, we had made over $900 in revenue, which we decided to donate to the church.

Entrepreneurship took a new form in high school when my sister and I founded our second partnership, The Model Brockton City Council. We saw a need to engage our peers in local government by designing a simulation of our city council. We had to collect signatures, present to many administrators, and market our new club. The initial goal to have more people try my lemonade resonated with me as I strived to have more people engage in their civic duties. Today, over twenty-five of my classmates frequently attend my meetings.

With my first business venture selling laymounada, I made $10; with A&G Jewelry, $900; with the Model Brockton City Council, the revenue amounted to $0. Although there was not a financial gain, I attained experience as a negotiator, problem solver, creative thinker, and most importantly, I became persistent.

Twelve years have passed since that summer day with my “laymounada,” and I have yet to maintain a long-lasting business. My six-year-old self would have seen this lack of continuity as a colossal failure, but instead, it instilled an intense curiosity in me. Little did I know the experience would remain so vivid after all these years. It has continued to push me, compelling me to challenge myself both academically and entrepreneurially. As I grow older, my intrinsic drive to have a lemonade stand, regardless of whatever obstacles come my way, persists as a deep-seated love of business.

When life doesn’t give you lemons, still make lemonade (or laymounada, as my Teta would say).

专业评析

许多成功的申请文书都遵循一个简单的公式： 钩子 （Hook）+ 锚点（Anchor） + 故事（Story） + 成长（Growth）。虽然具体内容可能各不相同，但如果文书中可以包含这四个要素中的每一个，那么这篇文书就可以被认为是“具有吸引力”的。Georgina的文书就是这种模式的一个范例，以下对文中这四种要素的体现进行了更具体的分析：

钩子（Hook）：钩子 "的作用是吸引读者。招生官每天要阅读成百上千篇文章，所以要努力在第一时间抓住他们的注意力。用一些引人入胜或与众不同的内容作为文章的开头。Georgina 的 "钩子 "就是她的 "Lebanese laymounada "摊位。这种饮品有什么特别之处？它与普通柠檬水有什么不同？Georgina用她对经典柠檬水摊故事的文化诠释，激发了读者的好奇心。

锚（Anchor）：锚 "是连接整篇文章、赋予其意义的观点或主题。一个好的 "锚 "能发人深省，让读者在读完文章后感到意犹未尽。Georgina的“锚”是 "生活没有给她柠檬"。她在家里找不到一个柠檬，于是她不得不发挥创意，出售不含柠檬的 laymounada。这次经历让她学会了坚忍不拔的精神，并由此开始了一连串的创业活动。最后，文章又回到了这个锚点，将一切串联起来。

故事（Story）： 讲故事的黄金法则是 "展示，而不是讲述"。不要只是告诉招生官你是一个多么优秀的人，而是要试着通过你的故事向他们展示你的个性、品格和成就。在Georgina的故事中，她分享了让她难忘的柠檬水摊经历的所有丰富多彩的细节。这些细节描绘了Georgina有趣、富有创造力和进取心的形象，同时也展现了她的谦逊。

成长（Growth）： 所有优秀的文书都会清楚地展示你是如何从自己的经历中成长起来的。一定要突出你从自己的经历中学到了什么或收获了什么。例如，Georgina了解到，她在创业过程中缺乏连续性并不是 "巨大的失败"。相反，这培养了她的好奇心、坚持能力和对商业的热爱。在文章的最后，她显然是一个（对商业）充满热情的人，她有开辟自己道路的记录。她能够从每一次经历中吸取经验教训，并将其运用到下一次的事业中。

很明显，Georgina抓住了所有四个关键要素--钩子、锚、故事和成长——这就是这篇文章成功的原因。

美国文书材料Sample Essay 2: Simar B.

June 2nd, 2019. The birth of the new me, or "Simar 2.0" as mom called me. However, I still felt like "Simar 1.0," perceiving nothing more than the odd new sensation of a liberating breeze fluttering through my hair.

At age seventeen, I got a haircut for the first time in my life.

As a Sikh, I inherited a tradition of unshorn, cloth-bound hair, and, for most of my life, I followed my community in wholeheartedly embracing our religion. Over time, however, I felt my hair weighing me down, both materially and metaphorically.

Sikhism teaches that God is one. I asked mom why then was God cleaved into different religions? If all paths were equal, I asked dad, then why not follow some other religion instead? My unease consistently dismissed by our Sikh community, I decided to follow the religion of God: no religion. My hair, though, remained; if I knew my heart, then cutting my hair served no purpose.

Nevertheless, that unshorn hair represented an unequivocal beacon for a now defunct identity. I visited my calculus teacher's office hours, only to be peppered by incessant questions about Sikhism. He pigeonholed me into being a spokesperson for something I no longer associated with. Flustered, I excused myself to the bathroom, examining this other me in the mirror.

Why this hair? This question kept coming back.

I ransacked my conscience, and it became painfully obvious. Fear. Fear of what my conservative grandparents might think. Fear of what my Sikh family friends might say. Fear of what my peers might ask. This hair had usurped my sense of self.

So off it came.

A few days after crossing my personal Rubicon, I flew to India to meet my grandparents.

Breezing through the airport, I perceived something remarkably different about my experience: the absence of the penetrating surveillance that had consistently accompanied me for seventeen years. It was uncanny; I felt as an anodyne presence.

Apprehensively entering my grandparents' New Delhi home some eighteen hours later, I found myself enveloped in hugs. Savoring the moment, I failed to probe why. I recognize now that, in spite of their intransigent religious views, they appreciated that I had made a decision about my identity based on belief, based on being true to my evolving sense of self. I think my grandparents found that admirable.

A few weeks later, dad confessed, "I regret that you did not cut your hair earlier."

I have no regrets.

My hair made me work harder than everyone else simply because I looked different. Sanctimonious people lecture us on having pride in our differences, rarely considering the difficulties which being different entails. For example, a fake Facebook page created by an unknown schoolmate with my birthday listed as September 11th, 2001. Dealing with attacks fueled by ignorance never becomes easier, but such aggressions bolster my courage to face what other people think. In standing up for myself, I become myself.

On some level, I know appearances should not matter. Yet, in many uncomfortable ways, they still do, and they give birth to many disparities. Through the simple act of cutting my hair, I left the confines of intolerance, but my experience opened my eyes to those whose struggles cannot be resolved so easily. This motivates me to never be a bystander, to always energetically take the side of the persecuted in the fight against the powerful.

Over my years of shadowing, I have seen a healthcare system where patients receive inferior care solely on the basis of perceived race. Exposure to this institutionalized injustice motivates me to volunteer with a free health clinic to provide glucose screenings to the underprivileged. We must lead with personal initiative first, starting on the individual level and building from there. Only then can we bring about systemic change to reform the institutions and practices that perpetuate prejudice within medicine and without.

专业评析

从这篇文章一开始，Simar B. 同学就把读者带入了一个有意义的成长叙事中，他通过“剪头发”这件事情，不仅摆脱了宗教对自我意识的束缚，也关注到了那些想要摆脱束缚却无法实现的群体。

这个选题非常理想，不仅具有反思性，而且具有启发性；虽然不是所有读者都必须面对属于锡克教带来的社会文化责任与影响，但Simar却将这种挣扎以强烈而感人的方式清晰地展现出来。通过他的故事，他巧妙地将其文化和宗教所带来的独特挑战融入到重新找回身份、成为真正的自己的强烈体验中。在此过程中，Simar巧妙地展示了他的自我认识、内在力量和成长能力，这些都是摆脱和重塑自出生以来就定义了我们的束缚所必需的。

Simar以坚定不移、清晰明了的声音完成了这一切，他积极抵制了用极端的措辞或戏剧化的语调来夸大他们的挣扎的常见诱惑，因为这可能会让接纳他们的读者感到不快。在他的叙述中，整篇文章的基调依然非常真实。他在面对挫折和逆境时，始终表现出诚实和实事求是的态度，并提供了一些真实生活经历的例子，如“机场监控”、“有针对性的欺凌”、“因长相而被老师误解”等。除此之外，Simar还是留出了象征的空间，强调了他们在不同阶段的旅程中头发的状态以及他们与头发的关系，为她们的成长提供了一种具体的概念化方式。

最后，Simar 的文章是一个很好的例子，说明了个人陈述并不需要普遍采用 "快乐的结局 "或轻松愉快和感恩的中心思想来展示成长。这位学生出色地驾驭了我们通常认为是 "沉重 "的话题，以一种沉思、体贴和充满力量的方式进行了阐述。在个人陈述的结尾，他成功地将个人发展的这一决定性时刻与他的课外经历联系在一起，甚至进一步与他未来的目标和愿望联系在一起——成为那些在美国医疗系统中面临类似偏见的人的代言人。

美国文书材料Sample Essay 3: Abby

Barreling through the hallowed, mahogany double doors, I was on a mission. I made a beeline for the back. Behold, a panoply of new prospects, each beckoning me to read them.

Every weekend, my father, my sister, and I make the pilgrimage to Book Mecca. The sensations one meets upon entering Barnes and Noble are unmatched. The aroma of coffee mingles with the crisp perfume of unopened books, and the tinny music drifts from the ceiling speakers, coalescing with the clanking of the Cafe equipment, which is intermittently overcome by the barista's peppy voice on the PA system announcing the latest limited-edition dessert. Where else can one enjoy a triple-layer cheesecake among bookstacks? As Virginia Woolf says, "one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."

My family, however, dines on knowledge. To us, Barnes and Noble is an all-you-can-eat buffet for the mind. After we snag our favorite corner table, I sit, like metal to a magnet, immovable for hours.

I may delve into an Agatha Christie novel and attempt to outwit Detective Poirot; though I never win, I find the sleuthing remarkably similar to analyzing confounders the culprits of unexpected results-in my clinical research. Alternatively, I may crack open an atlas to test my memory from the summer when I memorized the entire world map. Or, I might read Animal Farm to better understand the system that ravaged Ethiopia in the late 20th century and forced my grandfather to flee his own village.

Complimenting this mission to satisfy our voracious minds comes an equally important fulfillment: engaging with the coterie of miscellaneous characters we have befriended. After visiting the same Barnes and Noble for eleven years, we have forged friendships with several regulars, including a retired teacher couple, an octogenarian with a seven-year-old brother, and an eternally sunburned man named George who shelters feral cats at his pool company's office. After a dear Barnes and Noble-goer passed away, my heart was comforted when I read in her obituary that she, indeed, would be missed by "the old [bookstore] gang." United by their good humor and love for Barnes and Noble, this unlikely group teaches me that a community can form around anything, no matter how disparate the members are. They show me that, in Aristotle's words, "educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all."

While I have the luxury of Barnes and Noble, my father's reality growing up in rural Ethiopia bears a stark contrast and defines my legacy of education. He received a meager education in a laughable schoolhouse, using sunlight to study by day, and the moonlight by night. When he was nine, my grandfather opened a school so my father could continue beyond 4th grade, unlike many of his peers. My grandfather had no formal education, yet he knew the country's constitution by heart and exhorted nearby villages to educate their children.

My father's dedication to chauffeuring me to the bookstore and the library is an artifact of his father's same dedication. And I am the accumulation of this legacy. Behind me are all of the sacrifices and payoffs of my family's dedication to education, and before me is a lifetime of opportunity and fulfillment. Though I have never met my grandfather, I feel an incredibly palpable connection to him through our shared fervor to learn and teach. My father's and grandfather's stories remind me that education is not a commodity for many, but a privilege that I treat as such. I cherish all of my education's wonderful consequences: the obscure curiosities I have indulged in, the strong sense of identity I have developed, the discernment and morals I have bolstered, the respect I have gained for different viewpoints, and the ambition for excellence that I have inherited and extended. They are what fuel me, my college education, and my drive to pay it forward.

专业评析

Abby的文章非常出色，以下是她文章中的几个亮点：

首先Abby使用了一种称为 "过道文书（Aisle Essay） "的方法。”过道文书”的意思是指作者推着一辆购物车走过她的过去、现在和未来，一路上收集她的轶事、兴趣和价值观。这辆“购物车”就可以视为文章的背景。在Abby的文章中，她的购物车就是巴诺书店。这个坚定的背景将文章置于一个易于描绘的世界中，让Abby可以深入到她生活的不同层面，而不会让文书读起来显得散乱。只要文书中的每个小主题都在购物车中，这篇文章就会变得统一且合乎逻辑。

其次，在Abby的文书中，她利用“图书馆的书籍”和“咖啡馆”巧妙地转向她的个人叙事。例如：侦探小说让人想起她的 "临床研究"；提到《动物农场》，她就能提起祖父的非凡故事。通过描述她在咖啡馆形成的奇妙社区，Abby向我们展示了她是一个受欢迎的人，她因与人交往而兴奋，并被她所遇到的人铭记。因此，虽然这篇文章发生在巴诺书店，但这并不是它的主题。巴诺书店只是向我们展示Abby的一个舞台。

Abby在文章的最后明确提出了她的核心价值观：感恩。她没有夸大其词，夸张地宣称她将改变或拯救世界。相反，她只是向我们展示了一个真实的自己：一个经常光顾书店的充满好奇心的女孩，一个从自己的过去中汲取灵感，并冲进未来的桃花心木大门的女孩。

美国文书材料Sample Essay 4: Marina

It's 8AM. Dew blankets the grass under my bare feet as my small hands grasp the metal of the backyard fence. I lift my heels, summoning enormous power in my tiny lungs as I blare out a daily wake-up call: ""GIRLS!"" Waiting with anticipation for those familiar faces to emerge from their homes, my mind bursts with ideas eager for exploration.

Years later, at the corner of our yards, gates magically appeared; an open invitation connecting the backyards of four mismatched homes. The birth of the ""Four Corners"" inevitably developed into lifelong friendships and became the North Star in the lives of absolute strangers who have become family. As parents bonded at the gates, discussing everything from diapers to first dates, the kids took advantage of overlooked bedtimes and late night movies. Today, I launch into adulthood with the imagination, leadership, and confidence born from adolescent adventures.

Behind corner #1 lived the Irish neighbors, where I embarked on a culinary exploration of corned beef and cabbage served during the annual St. Patty's celebrations. My taste buds awakened with the novelty of a peculiar dish that seemed to dismiss the health hazards of sodium chloride, an element that conjures up mental images of chemistry experiments. With U2 playing on the speaker, and parents enjoying a pint of Guinness, adolescents discussed inventions that could lead us to a pot of gold; from apps that would revolutionize the music industry, to building a keg cooler from a rubber trash can (and yes, we actually tried that). Endless playtime and conversations fueled the gene of curiosity which molded my creative thinking and imagination.

Behind corner #2, vibrant Italians cheered on the creation of zip lines and obstacle courses, which taught me a thing or two about Newton's Laws of Motion. Body aches from brutal stops provided lessons in physics that prompted modifications. This inventive spirit during backyard projects required testing, redesigning, and rebuilding. I wanted to conquer the yard and use every square inch of it. My swimming pool hosted ""Olympic Games"", where the makeshift springboard I built would have made Michael Phelps proud. I dove into projects, disregarding smashed fingers and small fires. Through persistence and sheer will, repeated failures became a source of progress for all to enjoy. These lessons served me well when diving into the Odyssey of the Mind Competitions.

Corners #3 and #4, where Cuban roots run deep, entertained countless activities opening a world of learning and exploration. 1AM backyard stargazing encouraged my curiosity; the night sky like a blank slate, ready to be lit up with discovery. Through the eye of the telescope, I traced stars that were millions of miles away, yet filled my tent like fairy lights. Questions merged in a combinatorial explosion that only led to more questions. Could a black hole really cause spaghettification? Do the whispered echoes of dead stars give a clue to how old our universe truly is? Years later, at the FPL Energy, Power, and Sustainability Lab, conversations about smart grids, electric vehicles, and a possible colonization of the moon would take me back to that backyard camping, propelling my desire for exploration.

In my little pocket of the world, I embrace the unexpected coincidence that struck 20 years ago, when four families collided at the same exact moment in space and time. My Four Corners family, with their steadfast presence and guidance, cultivated love, maturity, risk-taking, and teamwork. Through my adventures, I became a dreamer, an inventor, an innovator, and a leader. Now, fostering my love for learning, spirit of giving back, and drive for success, I seek new adventures. Just as I walked through the magical gates of my beloved Four Corners, I will now walk through transformational thresholds to continue on a journey that began as a girl, at a fence, with a heart full of hope and a head full of possibilities.

专业评析

Marina的文章很好地解决了许多大学申请者的担忧：如果你没有经历过戏剧性的剧变或克服难以置信的困难，你就没有任何有趣的东西可写。Marina的文章以充满朋友的社区中的快乐童年为背景，通过描述性细节和感官语言与读者建立联系，让不认识她的人能够第一手了解塑造她的世界。

这篇文章最有力的方面之一是Marina的身临其境的叙述，它吸引了读者的五种感官：和她一起，我们可以感受到潮湿、尖尖的草坪，因为“露水覆盖了我赤脚下的草地”；听到年轻的Marina的声音，“当我每天大声叫醒时，我的小肺里充满了巨大的力量”；闻闻并品尝咸甘蓝，“似乎消除了氯化钠对健康的危害”；看到远处的星星“像童话般的灯光充满了我的帐篷”。这种语言的特殊性使这篇文章读起来不会像一般文章一样——很明显，只有Marina（或者可能是她后院的朋友之一）才能写出这篇特殊的文章。

Marina的作品还很好地实现了申请论文的其他目标之一：利用生活中的小事件更广泛地展示你的一些核心方面，例如展示一种根深蒂固的信念、一种生活哲学的形成或一种个性等。在本篇文书中，Marina展示了她在后院的冒险经历是如何导致了她对 STEM 的热爱，而这在她的申请中的其他地方也得到了探索。例如，烹饪课变成了“化学实验”，建造滑索是“牛顿运动定律”的课程，对星星的哲学思考是在“FPL 能源、电力和可持续发展实验室”实习的前身等等。

然而在这篇文书中，Marina也有一些需要注意的问题。一个是“刻板印象”的问题：将爱尔兰家庭与咸牛肉、圣帕特里克节、U2、健力士酒和金罐联系起来，有可能看起来对文化不敏感或轻蔑，尤其是其他家庭都没有提到这些词。另一个问题是使用过多的修饰词，如形容词和副词，这些词可能会使文章读起来不真实。

优秀的美国文书材料可以让您在美本申请中处于非常优势的地位。以上就是今年The Crimson公布的哈佛大学优秀申请文书的其中几篇范例，由于篇幅有限，还有几篇未展示，同学们可以前往官网自行阅读，相信同学们在仔细阅读完之后一定会有新的理解和感悟，希望这些理解和感悟能为大家自己的文书锦上添花！